2002 Huntington Merlot

2002 Huntington Merlot

“Can you see it? It’s big and it’s purple and it goes like this!” said the Grapedonk, in an uncharacteristically cheerful mood. In this innuendo-filled review, GD compares Huntington to “sweet Magic Bubble” and says “it’s all over the place, it’s whomper-jawed.”
When asked for an explanation of “whomper-jawed,” GD said, “When the hinges don’t line up, not just eating corn through a picket fence.” But in the end, this settled down into a fantastic, complex wine that we enjoyed quite a bit.
Episode 94

Tasting Tags: big complex magic-bubble whomper-jawed

2003 Red Flyer

2003 Red Flyer

“Almost looks like transmission fluid in a way,” the Grapedonk said, on pouring this wine. “But it’s kinda purple.” Yeah, we know. We have no idea what he’s talking about either. But this wine would be great for an alien-invasion themed party. Oh, wait, you don’t have alien invasion themed parties? Never mind.
In the end, this simple, straightforward wine didn’t even need to fart out. Grapedonk searched in vain for something to say about it, then finally found it. “That’s that unidentified taste! It’s not a UFO, it’s a UFT. Spearmint!” Neat wine, great value.
Episode 93

Tasting Tags: aliens spearmint

2005 Cycles Gladiator Cabernet Sauvignon

2005 Cycles Gladiator Cabernet Sauvignon

“I did that on a bike,” the Donk said, on seeing the label. “Except when I landed, things happened.” After this personal moment, he got to the wine. “Smells like grape juice and vodka,” he said. “it does the happy grape jelly tingly spicy thing, then it does this weird cartwheel of rusty pipe and corroded urinal lickage.”
Not promising. In the end, though, the finish didn’t get a lot better. It changed to a “fish food” kind of thing, which still wasn’t great. This wine really wanted to be a 3, but it didn’t quite make it.
Episode 92

Tasting Tags: fish-food grape-juice spicy urinal vodka

2003 Charles Shaw Cabernet Sauvignon

2003 Charles Shaw Cabernet Sauvignon

AKA “two-buck Chuck.” So what do you get when you splurge and spend twice the price of a 99-cent-store wine? That’s the big question. “It’s got a weird something-going-on in there, an odd metallicky hiccup,” sez the Grapedonk.
This wine tastes more like a blend of Cab, Shiraz, and Zin than just a Cabernet—it’s a confusion of berry flavors, with a hint of balsamic vinegar, and leftovers of rust and stainless steel. It’s drinkable, but just barely.

Episode 52

Tasting Tags: balsamic berry metallic rust stainless

2002 Marques de Caceres Rioja Crianza Red

2002 Marques de Caceres Rioja Crianza Red

This is a weird one. If you were playing a game of Stump the Grapedonk, this wine would win. It doesn’t fit into the standard fruits-and-peppers flavor palette. “I don’t know what to say about that,” he said, on first tasting it. “But it’s not bad.”
In fact, it was easier to describe the wine based on what it didn’t taste like—no non-food flavors, no dirt, no smelly socks, no licking a freeway overpass. If you’re looking for something different, try this one.

Episode 53

2003 Rosemount Shiraz

2003 Rosemount Shiraz

On opening, this wine really got our attention. “Wow! It’s like getting run over by a truck,” the Grapedonk sez about this wine. “There’s so many different berries there’s no grapes in there, strawberries, raspberries, every berries, Halle Barrys.” After 30 minutes, some black pepper and plum showed up.
Grapedonk advises: “Have this one with an English muffin in the morning, instead of coffee.” When asked, “Before work?” he replied, “How else’re you gonna put up with everyone’s crap?

Episode 54

Tasting Tags: black-pepper plum raspberry strawberry

1996 Grand Dragon Cabernet Sauvignon

1996 Grand Dragon Cabernet Sauvignon

China makes everything else, so why not wine? Here’s a special import, snuck in from China in Ken’s suitcase. The Grapedonk looks suspicious of this wine in a box. We’re suspicious of the 1996 vintage. Where has it been since 1996? Aging in a temperature-controlled cellar, or sitting on a shelf?
On tasting, the Grapedonk declared, “That ain’t funny! Transmission fluid tastes better than that!” After 20 minutes, he was convinced to try it again. “It smells smoky, like Liquid Smoke, but when you taste it, it’s like drinking Liquid Smoke.”

Episode 55

Tasting Tags: liquid-smoke transmission-fluid

2005 Michael Pozzan Chardonnay

2005 Michael Pozzan Chardonnay

The Grapedonk is no fan of whites, but this one was a surprise. It started promising. “It doesn’t smell too garden-hosey,” he said. “It only has a small hint of that non-food thing that I hate.”
Taste-wise, it fared very well. “This isn’t too unpleasant at all!” sez the Grapedonk. It’s really a very light wine, grapefruity-then-grape-rind-then-nothing. Probably good for a warm day. Yeah we know, really helpful now that it’s almost winter.

"Episode 56

Tasting Tags: grapefruit rind

NV Pinot Evil

NV Pinot Evil

It’s funny. There are three monkeys on the label–see no evil, hear no evil, and speak no evil–but they don’t have the fourth monkey of, yes, you guessed it, taste no evil. As the Grapedonk sez, “That don’t seem promising.”
On smelling, the Grapedonk opined, “I think this one needs a moment to itself to let the unpleasant odors vacate the room. It has a weird plasticky thing going on.” On tasting, “Cheese, then an abuso of nothing, then a screwed-up aftertaste that’s just wrong.” Not one of the Grapedonk’s favorites.

Episode 57

Tasting Tags: cheese plastic